FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
