Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
