when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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