and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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