Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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