Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
