I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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