All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
