were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
