I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
