If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You're a waste of cheezeits
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
