the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
