tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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