I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
