my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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