Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
