My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
