Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
