can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
