If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
