True but thats because hes a fetus.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
