Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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