you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
