Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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