don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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