woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
