So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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