I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Randomize
