Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize
