I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
