I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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