with your own penis?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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