i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
