she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry mΓ©nage a trios in a closet.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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