i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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