WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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