i just wanna soil my oats bro
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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