Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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