Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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