I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
