The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
