Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
