Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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