I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
