So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Panties = found
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
