she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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