thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
