I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
