Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
