I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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